Wednesday, January 1, 2014

What I learned in 2013

Happy New Year!

2013 didn't exactly turn out as I had planned. I continued to improve my health and fitness, got even more creative in the kitchen, and earned thousands of visitors to my Silly Little Blog (thank you!). I kept climbing ever higher at work (not out of my basement cubicle, but figuratively).

I also took a major blow.

All told, I am proud of 2013. Unlike last year, I don't have a list of lessons to share. I only have the one, but it's a big one.

The grass is greenest under your own two feet. 
Put another way: you are responsible for your own happiness.

This lesson came into clear focus this Fall when CaveBoy left in search of greener pastures. Initially, I was devastated. I did all the things a CaveGirl can do to try to make him change his mind. But the thing is (and this is a lesson I learned long ago) you can't make a grown-up do anything they don't want to do. And CaveBoy didn't want to stay.

So then I had to get down to the business of disentangling my life from someone I loved for a decade and begin the process of creating a life for myself. Luckily, I have an amazing circle of friends and an outrageously-supportive family. They wanted to help in any way they could. And - independent as I am - I let them.

I outsourced my rage to my best girls so I could focus on being practical and protecting my future. I followed my big brother's advice to the letter. I relied on the strong shoulders of my CrossFit friends and the sound logic of my co-workers. And I moved at break-neck speed to do all the things I needed to do to begin again.

At times, the logistics became overwhelming. Other times I worried that I was becoming too much of a burden on my loved-ones (honestly how many times can you call someone just to make them listen to you cry?).

I watched the pep talk more than I care to admit.

But even though my life was in chaos - and everyone would have understood if I flaked out or broke down or gave up - I achieved the greatest successes in my career (to date). I had some great laughs with friends and my force-of-nature little sister. With the process of divorce crushing down on me, I still woke up each morning excited for what the day would bring. Multiple times each day - even on my saddest most stressful days - I thought to myself, "I love my life!"

Photo Credit: My good friend Meredith

It's true.

I'm happy.

Sure. I still feel anger and disappointment when I'm pushing though my Divorce To-Do List. But those feelings never last long. They're no match for the gratitude I feel for my friends and family. Or the excitement I feel about the meaningful work that I do every day. Or the wonder and curiosity I have about what this life has in store for me next.

I was happy before CaveBoy left, and I'm still happy today.

There is nothing for me to seek. I have more than enough right here. And there is no better lesson than that!

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